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When you stand in front of mirror & gaze at your reflection; what sort of person do you see..??
A super star, an ordinary person or a wannabe..??
Amazingly, there are just 2 aspects which can make you a super star or leave you an average person. Thankfully those aspects are neither genetic nor a property of a handful. They are accessible to you, just as much as to that charming person you admire. Let’s take a quick glance at those magical factors.
1. Appreciate the awesomeness in you
From the time we are born, till date; we are in the action mode. We experiment with different things in life to arouse certain emotions such as excitement, joy, thrill, happiness and so on. Once we discover those things which keep us in the positive state of mind, we tend to repeat them to be in same state. In childhood, everything that happens to us is a matter of chance. What we think & how we feel about ourselves is decided by the way others treat us. It need not be so as we grow up. When we depend on accidents & others opinion to see our awesomeness; it becomes a rarity to uncover the superstar in us. Good news is that we can be exactly that person, we want to be. We just need to take charge of our life.
The very first & the biggest step towards being a super star is to locate those things you like about yourself. Those factors in you, small or big; which set you apart from the crowd. Make a list of minimum 10 things you admire about yourself. It need not be what others know or even notice about you, but you know. Think about the awesomeness in you first thing in the morning as you wake up. When you step out the next time, remember how unique you are & what you can offer to each one you meet. Meet the world as an equal, right in the eye. You are awesome to the world only when you notice it, yourself & communicate it, to the world. It takes for one, to stand alone comfortably;before one can stand on a stage, alone.
2. Appreciate the finer things in others
We interact with people every day. It might be those we spend lot of time with, or those, we come across only once. Everyone around us come with certain aspects which are likable & the some others, we might even despise. We will be quick to show our dislike in one way or the other; however we fail to appreciate the aspects, we like.
It would be fantastic, if you make a habit of locating at least one thing you like about anyone you come across & let him/her know your appreciation. When you are genuine in your appreciation it would not sound like flattery. Instead, you might turn out to be the source of the pleasant surprise. A smile, nod, little respect or few kind words from you can change someone’s life for better. Try this with at least one person every day & see for yourself how awesome you would feel about yourself.
True appreciation is one factor, which even the most independent of the individual strives & lives for. We all crave for it in one way or the other; however we tend to hold back or take for granted, when we can freely shower it to our self & others.
The difference between the super star & the ordinary is the extent of self-assurance, brought out by the extent to which the person feels appreciated…!!
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Love is one word we do not quite understand. We find references to all sort of love around us. If you watch any movie, it will show you some or the other form of love. Love, which would make you strive to attain the loved one in any situation. Love, which would force you to sacrifice for the sake of loved one. The love for yourself, which would make you want to be the best. Love, whether it is for self or for others is the biggest source of motivation. Though, In most cases, love needs the presence of the loved one to reaffirm the motivation. Have you heard of that intense love, which could motivate a man to get up every single day; for 22 years, with a single resolve to work hard, for its own sake?
Dasharath Manjhi, is that man who represents that higher form of love which went beyond pleasure seeking, physical proximity, intellectual identification, emotional dependency or even affirmation of self-worth. It is a story of a 25 year old man, whose love for his wife made him continuously toil for the common good for 22 years, all alone. It was a love, which turned to be a motivation for a resolve; as mighty & strong as the mountains to challenge their strength and break them apart. It was true love for one woman, which did not confine him to show some sacrificial act or to represent symbolically like Taj Mahal; but to express his love in his work for others. He did something which he would have done for her, for people around & showed the intense power of love. It was a love which transcended self.
This man was the commonest of the commoners. He was an illiterate laborer, who lived in a village disconnected in every way from the least imaginable materialistic comforts. He had to toil every day to earn his bread or to see the night’s light where a candle was a luxury. His wife & other women in the village had to climb Rocky Mountain, even to bring water which could quench their thirst. It was during one of those days of toiling that Dasharath’s beloved wife, Falguni Devi tripped & injured herself badly. It made Dasharath Challenge Mountain of its mightiness & toughness. He had made a resolve to help the people out of their misery. A resolve which made him sell his only possession, the goats he had, to buy a chisel & a hammer. A resolve to break the mountain, one stone at a time to make a road. No one was with him in his resolve. People saw him as a lunatic to be stepping in for the impossible task, with a family including a young son to attend to. Here was a man who worked day & night to feed his family & also to work for love. Even his wife’s death did not make him stop his stint as the love now has led to a dream. A dream, bigger than himself. A dream, to prove the worth of one man’s resolve. A dream, to improve the lives of others, in a society which could not understand him & intern made fun of him. Mountain had become his companion in the deed & he had become true friends with it. He made a pact of inseparable companionship with mountain. It took several years for the people around him to appreciate his deed & to be with him in his mighty task. 22 years of singular resolve & hard work,by one simple man shaped a road 360 foot long, 25 foot deep and 30 foot wide in place of 300 Feet rocky mountain. Now, his people could access the nearest town, route for which was shortened to 15 KM instead of 55 KM. It wasn't needed anymore for women folks to climb a stony & dangerous mountain to get to the nearest well, every single day.What he did was neither for money nor for fame. It was just for the self satisfaction. It was for the common good. It was because he truly loved people around him.
Dasharath might not be with us anymore, however he has left us with his legacy. The power of the inner strength which cannot be matched even by the strength of mighty mountain. The concept of love, going beyond the personal quest. The power of human will irrespective of the situations. This man shows us the worth of a life which is shaped out of true passion to get the impossible erased from dictionary. He represents the motivation, true love & passion can bring in. He earnt something beyond money or fame which is the love & respect of millions. He has set an example for all of us.
Now ask yourself few questions. Do I have that passion..?? Do I love anyone or anything to the extent where my love becomes my strength, my path & my legacy..?? Do I love myself enough..?? Is my work expression of my love..??
Photo Credit : http://www.bloggang.com/data/r/ravio/picture/1350521930.jpg
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Marriage is a relation undoubtedly different from any other relationship. Multiple factors make it stand out. It alters the boundaries of freedom and responsibilities of a person or family to make space for another person or another family. This is not a simple rearrangement in any way. In our childhood, the boundary was defined by parents and society with little bargaining from us. However by the time we reached adulthood we would have altered boundaries to some extent and established a stable pattern. Once we marry, the boundaries of partners collide and seek a rearrangement which is satisfactory for both the parties. There certainly is a honeymoon period wherein we are baffled by the presence of another person in our private circle. It however is followed by the boundary conflicts which might last for a short interval or even a life time. There are some practical ways which come handy in creating win-win situation out of this conflict..!!
The Phase after Honeymoon
In the honeymoon period every little nuances of the partner seem bearable or even pleasant. In this period one rarely takes time to understand the partner. However one surely would notice when the honeymoon phase ends and reality of two very different people making life together syncs in. I am going to propose one simple experiment which can alter your marriage for the better if not for the best. This experiment will run for a month & leave your marriage changed for the days to come..!! Consider taking it up even if you have a satisfactory relation. After all it doesn't hurt to improve your marriage for the better..!!!
To reap maximum benefits, both the partners will have to make a commitment to take it up together.It's also essential not to assume that you know everything about yourself or your partner beforehand. Once you take it up, you will be amazed by the way your marriage shapes further...!!
1. Notice Your Week
Starting from today, just notice yourself for a week. On first day make note of your routine. Everything you do starting from early morning till the bed time. Make a mental note & note it down in a journal at the end of the day. Just compare it with your past routine, the way it used to be before marriage. Identify the factors which have changed for the better, remained neutral or for the worse. On the second day keep on with the task of first day & reaffirm your observation. Now you have clarity at task level. On the third day, move on to your thoughts. Notice your thoughts throughout the day and again note it down in your journal. Find out if the way you think and what all you think about have changed since the marriage. What used to be your focus beforehand and what it is at this point? Locate the changes & see if you like the present or the past. Repeat this on 4th day. Dedicate 5th & 6th days for your feelings. You would notice the way you feel at different instances & note them down. Make an observation of the factors which change your emotions. On 7th day you will bring all the three; the tasks you do, the thoughts triggered & also the feelings they generate together and validate the extent to which the life is going according to your intentions. Note down how different it is from the way it used to be. At this point you know your expectations from life and the extent to which things are in track.
2. Write a special letter to your partner
With your current understanding of yourself, you are in a position to make your partner understand you at first level. In second week you would write a special letter to your partner. This letter will contain 2 sections. First section will talk about your routine before marriage. It also would have the way you thought & felt about what you did. Most importantly It will talk about the intentions which were behind the way your life was and how satisfied you were with your life. Second section will talk about the situation at the moment. It will have all the factors first sections had. Take whole week to write & rewrite the letter so that it is absolutely satisfactory for you & speaks your mind clearly. One thing to watch out for in the letter is the language you use. Please write your point of view without blaming or criticizing anyone. It should show the way you see the world with ‘I’ language with as few ‘you’ & ‘them’ as possible. Please do not forget to write down things you have started to appreciate about your partner & partner’s family.
3. Read out the letter to Partner/Family
Go out for a day’s outing to a place you both enjoy visiting. At the end of the trip sit together and read out your letter to the partner before handing it over to the partner. Ensure that you do not discuss the content of the letter for a week. During this week read the letter as many times as possible and also observe the partner when they are engaged in their day’s task. Think about the ways in which your partner is similar or different from you. Consider the ways in which you can plan & restructure your life to realize both of your dreams & aspirations. Check how you can help your partner satisfy their intentions & expectations from life.
4. Accommodate each other to establish togetherness..!!
Discuss the way you can change your marriage for better by accommodating both. Evaluate the extent to which your intentions match. Locate the things which can be done together, shared or realized separately. Respect the differences. Ensure that you are walking with each other & nurturing the other, rather than blaming or criticizing. Make a commitment to talk about the things which went right or wrong at least once in a week. Make another commitment to openly appreciate at least one factor about the partner genuinely every other day
The next step…
There are many more ways to take understanding to different level . This initial step would act as foundation to rearrange boundaries . Do share your experience with the experiment..!!
Take Care & do not forget to take care of your marriage... !!
Photo Credit : http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/advice/g1305/tips-for-couples-who-work-together/?slide=9