We love our children & want the very best for them. However are we taking right actions toward that very best..?? Most of us know that children learn or are shaped by what we do & not what we say. However not many know the implication of these words on our very own lives. At this moment let’s take a glance at the way we are shaping our children with our “actions” or “non-actions”.
Most of us come home from work tired..??
Let’s accept it. Day by day we are reaching home from work all the more tired. It’s as if we have been rolling mountains whole day. Only one thing we wish to do, back home is to relax. Children are extremely instinctual. They read you more from your body language than from your words. So they interpret that work of any sort is something that gets you tired & sulky. From very young age they develop an aversion against working. They think that life is great when they do not work and just have fun in some way or the other. They are getting a message that work is not fun..!!
We seem happy when we communicate over phone or with friends..??
We humans being highly evolved beings have learnt the art of pretending. Whatever our energy level & mental state is all of a sudden we sound happy & excited when we are speaking over the phone or with an outsider. These masks we were, in our definition might be the social face which we ought to hold for a successful living, looks like a puzzle to our little ones. They get an impression that phone is that magic device which makes you happy & also you are to be relaxed & gay with friends & grim & uptight with family…We are teaching them to wear masks..!!
We install ourselves in front of television at first opportunity
Any child, you might have observed has very high energy level. He/she wants to play all the time. We do not realize that it is actually the work they are doing. They are born with a tendency to work passionately. As they grow up, they come across their role models whose keenness at home is to catch up with something or the other on television. On top of it, they also see their father & mother criticizing each other for their choice of program to watch. Eventually, they learn to choose that show, which closely portrays what they want to do & fall in line with the competition within the family…We are teaching them that pleasure is to be gained through senses & not by action..!!
We are too tired for real action/ we dislike our work..!!
Most of us lead a life where we imagine or watch what we want to do & work only for the sake of money, time pass or status. Our attitude portrays work to be a very distant ally. We are not in a state to talk passionately about work to our children & on the other hand we cannot even sit for a minute without filling our time. Our children grow up watching us mostly disinterested in any sort of physical action. Just think about the number of fathers or mothers who go out & play while their children watch them, number of parents who actively play at least an hour with their children, number of parents who take their children to their work place & explain how fabulous it is to work..!! Our children are left with no choice but to play in computer or phone imitating their parent’s obsession with phone or computer…We are taking them towards non-action..!!
We are connected more through technology than intimacy
Technology with its huge advance has brought whole world together. Now we receive appreciation & attention from people we barely know though several ways which is highly addictive though superficial. We beam to see 100+ likes on a picture posted on Facebook over a genuine appreciation from the partner. Now we have started to live for the sake of that wide range of appreciation over the joy from depth of appreciation. This depth can be felt when we can sense the presence of another person wholly with us, moment to moment; Sharing not only our outstanding experiences but also creating intense moments together. In any experience whether it’s a small discussion with family or quality time vacationing, the depth of experiencing depends on the focus. Right now our focus is not on the task at hand but on capturing the task for appreciation from some faceless friends on social media. We are teaching our children to live an empty life right from the beginning.
We do not make an attempt to establish intense connection with partner
Most of us eventually take our partner for granted & communicate only about some facts or about a decision to be made. A child keenly watches the way parents interact. It is highly rewarding to watch parents who care for each other, understand each other & truly connect. Child learns it’s interaction style & emotional expression by observing parents. At the moment, to a child home looks like a place where people collect nice stuff, watch television, eat, blame people, discuss some anxiety arousing topics occasionally & relax as much as possible not with each other. Home, where children are supposed to learn to work, to love, to communicate, to resolve an issue is slowly becoming a place where one learns to pretend all the more. We aren't teaching our children to establish true & genuine connection.
Influence of the media on our children..!!
Media is the bedrock of any civilization. It is a huge player in shaping the culture & tomorrow’s existence. It is yet another article to discuss the role media plays in shaping our children. Only one thing which has to be mentioned here is that media needs to be thoroughly reflective & aware of its role in shaping the whole society. Every single person is influenced to great extent by what’s portrayed in media. The society where media is biased, negative, overly objectified or irresponsible takes the society in that very direction. Media need to remember that it has to lead the society than to reflect the society to create enriching life.
We all love our children & wish a fulfilling life for them. However let us remember that our children can have a fulfilling life only if they find us leading one. Anything is possible if we truly intend to & start acting towards it. We need to lead our children by example. Let us reflect on our lives & create the very life we wish for our children, from this very moment…!!
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Beyond Randomness is an organization run by psychologists, based in Bangalore...Know More